#it is gone from reality
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Going through life this is a challenge.
Trying to mask so you can hold a job and people either question what is wrong with you or assume you're an idiot... Currently going through that challenge.
It's a struggle. God is it a struggle.
the curse of adhd:
i will remember with absolute clarity, when the thought strikes me that i have a text to send someone, that this is the fourth time in three days i've attempted to send this specific text
i will forget, in the time it takes me to pick up my phone, that i picked it up intending to send a text
#“what the hell is your problem?”#“why aren't you running the prompter?!”#“they need to read their lines why do you keep getting distracted?!”#getting upset with me won't fix it#it just gives me panic attacks and makes it worse#i sure as hell wish i didn't get distracted#so i struggle so hard to just think about staying focused#and that in itself is weird as coworkers can joke and talk while doing the prompter when they need to effortlessly#and i don't joke or laugh like i have a problem with everyone#no i don't#i just can't joke or laugh because the moment i do the prompter may as well not exist anymore#it is gone from reality#and then everyone is mad at me#a momentary joke isn't worth that hell to follow because my brain can get distracted#heaven help me if i need to run prompter while running the timer and communicate for a live show while timing it to avoid a crash#...is this a disability?#there's no room for it in a career#all i can do is mask and hide it#there's no other option#not if i want even a chance at a successful career#God the stress is so overwhelming though
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We don't talk enough about the fact that Amelia Pond, s5 Amelia Pond, before the timeline is reset, isn't just a normal orphan. Her parents didn't die, didn't abandon her, and didn't send her away. They never existed in the first place.
And if her parents never existed, then Amelia cannot exist. She is a causal impossibility.
"People fall out of the world sometimes, but they always leave traces." A photograph. A face carved into an apple. Yes. Sure.
A child.
Now that's too big, surely.
But that's what she is. She is exactly the same as these things. A trace. An echo of something that could never be, never was, never could have been.
And the universe should never allow it. A whole person, that's just too much. She could not have continued to exist indefinitely, in normal circumstances, after her parents never existed.
In normal circumstances.
Because the Doctor didn't just save her from things coming out of the crack in her wall. He saved her from going into it. And he didn't just save her from the threat of going into it simply because of its vicinity.
No, by arriving when he did, he interrupted a process that was probably already in motion. And then by arriving again only moments later on a cosmic relative timestream (too quickly for the process to complete) and yet in the local relative timestream, years later --- years of a potential future caught midway through the process of rewriting -- he solidified that existence. Amy is a creature from another timeline, caught in amber. The Doctor prevented her from never existing, but only after she could already never exist.
And so, no one around Amelia thinks about it. Neither does she. There's some kind of consciousness block, because if you thought about it, really thought about it, for two seconds you'd realize she cannot exist. And the human mind can't deal with that. So, to protect itself, everyone's brain simply slides off it before ever noticing. They just assume that her existence makes sense, and don't question it, and don't notice what they don't question, that is staring them in the face.
But of course, to some extent they do notice. They can't think it, but they notice subconsciously that there's something they can't think. They notice there's something wrong with her, something uncanny. And they don't like it, and they alienate her even more because of it.
"Does it ever bother you Pond that your life existence doesn't make any sense?"
#like!!!!!! why arent we talking about this!!!!!!!#amelia pond#amy pond#the ultimate autism metaphor on top of being autistic anyway#doctor who#dw#ndw#dw theory#lavender thoughts#SHE CAN'T EXIST SHE IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE#you called clara the impossible girl but that's amy#and THEN the fact that even after it's all set right#she remains shaped by -- remains deeply traumatized by -- a timeline that never happened; a reality that never was#AUGH !!!!!#some wounds just can't heal even if the thing that caused them never existed in the first place#some wounds remain as a TRACE of the other time just as you yourself were once#THE mental illness rep of all time#and in the big bang of course the doctor had to take the shortcut because if they'd all gone the long way round#she'd have been gone before he got there#as starless universe's little amelia disappeared.... it could be millienia but from another perspective it HAD to be moments#they made it only in the nick of time#and the doctor knew that#pond#the life and times of amy pond#lavender writings
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We want to destroy my mother. (insp by @dadrielle)
#critical role#criticalroleedit#imogen temult#liliana temult#laura bailey#matthew mercer#gifs#*#*cr#cr3#cr spoilers#angst tag#cr meta#*meta#scheduled#3h12m c3e88#18m c3e12#3h17m c3e42#3h42m c3e51#4h20m c3e51#1h35m c3e49#i think this gifset might be a little bit unfair to liliana from a third party perspective but#i think it's Very Real for imogen. to feel like she reached out so many times and the loyalty there was so fucking flimsy#barely there to begin with and then gone in an instant as everything turned to red mist#thinking about how laura on 4sd a while ago said imogen is so fucking sick of it she's sick of having that hope#her reality is that her mother no longer has any loyalty to her and the pain of thinking she does isn't worth it anymore#:((((#'help me.' 'this is for the best.' breaks my H E A R T :(((((((((#and matt's fucking Smile afterward. speaks a thousand words#thanks rj for the discord message that kicked this off!!!
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How do I explain how married Han Yoojin and Sung Hyunje are in the post-epilogue Side Stories without sounding like I am exaggerating or making things up...
#calling each other “parenting partners”#planning to live together#planning vacations together#and adventures as well#yoojin demanded hyunje gives him half his money#hyunje just agreed#tbf hyunje is almost definitely going to live more than yoojin but none of them wants to think about it right now#you heard of yoojin raising a child that is a copy of hyunje but did you know hyunje has adopted a baby version of yoojin#(it's complicated)#the 2 kids are best friends#hyunje in dragon form making a joke about yoojin wanting to ride him#hyunje in mini-form making a joke about liking to ride yoojin#from today's chapter: im sorry i cant pat your head in this form i know you like it#also asking if yoojin likes to be manhandled#yoojin every 5 seconds: hyunje when are you coming back home. come back. hurry. i am making plans for when you come back#at least twice yoojin mentioned hyunje taking his last name#tbf it was 2 different yoojins#there are many versions of jinje in different realities#they keep getting drawn to each other#we got confirmations that if yoojin hadnt regressed. hyunje would have gone back for him after yoohyun's death#and they would have ended up livong together in switzerland#did i mention they plan to love together#we dont if yoohyun is going to be chill with that tho#sctir#sctir spoilers#sctir side story#sctir a later story#jinje#jinjae#the s classes that i raised
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kacchan really is so funny for being like BUT WHAT ABOUT BAKUDEKU CANON when he finds out izuku is quirkless
#bakudeku#bkdk#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#mha leaks#he really is like WHAT ABOUT US#WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE BEEN THROUGH#izuku is such a Gabriella too he DO be running away from his feelings every chance he gets#what about US IZUKU WHAT ABOUT OUR MARRIAGE#WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS MANGA IF WE ARENT MARRIED#and Izuku is like oh no my baby is on too many painkillers hahaha he’s not proposing to me right now that’s silly#if he was proposing that would mean he loved me and I can’t accept that reality I’m too much of a burden#I can’t think of myself long enough to realize I am valued#two months ago Izuku was like :) I’m so blessed kacchan talks to me almost normally#how is he supposed to process he was just proposed to by that same boy#like he’s also just gone through almost losing him he’s probably like I’m lucky he’s alive and breathing near me#and kacchan’s like I LOVE YOU I WANT YOU FOREVER#Izuku is overwhelmed ok give him some slack
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I can’t get yurified hijack out of my brain ever ren you’ve ended me
biker hiccup x figure skater jack <3
( @jackshiccup ‘s original yurified hijack post that never leaves my brain)
#hijack#jackycup#frostcup#yuri on ice get it GET IT#in reality I saw one Pinterest outfit and I was immediately gone#yurification#I was giggling while drawing this#GIRLFRIENDS#ren’s idea of the inferno tattoo>>>#oh you know vi from arcane#her tattoos#yeah it’s that w hic but Norse themed#I would do more detail but I barfed this out
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Hotel guests.
#I don't know for sure if Catherine and JB would've gone to the hotel at the same time but I think it's fun to make them interact.#gregory horror show#ghs#judgement boy#catherine ghs#beebfreeb art tag#Anyway in my head: JB showed up to the hotel first and has been there a while before Catherine#but from his POV Catherine was arrested and mysteriously vanished during her court hearing like a decade ago before he became a lawyer.#He's been agonizing about being in hell the entire time and what he could've done to deserve it (picking at every mistake he's made)#and doesn't catch onto the fact that Gregory House was created from a desire to escape reality.#judgement royale
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personal hc that hush can change his form at will, so each time he visits doc, he looks just slightly Off. but they cant really tell why. maybe its the lighting? well hush has definitely grown an inch or two since they met him, but maybe thats not concerning enough for them to notice. however, the two differing eye colors are new- could just be contacts tho, right?
they couldnt really tell you (or care that much, doc is tired) why hush is different now. all they know is something seems... Strange.
#i dont think we talk enough about how scary certain magic users in the redactedverse are.#no like. cant illusories project an image over a university or something thats indistinguishable from reality?#and the fact that daemons can technically shapeshift#dreamwalkers can send people to eternal sleep hell apparently. sorry avior#telepaths. listen. love the telepaths we have#but we cant pretend there arent dangers to telepathy.#strong enough earth elementals can shake the earth.#like. like are you hEARING ME??#and now we have Hush. whatever that little freak (/pos) is#and we dont understand the capabilities or limits of his magic yet. we know hes incredibly strong#for fucks sake he killed vega.#and rearranged his brain.#how doc hasnt gone to grippy sock jail at this point is beyond me truly /hj#redacted audio#redacted asmr#error: no identity#redactedverse#redacted hush#redacted doc
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๋࣭ ⭑unexplainable sorrow⭑ .
#toilet bound hanako kun#tbhk#jshk#jibaku shounen hanako kun#jibaku shonen hanako kun#my art#akane aoi#I am so scared for her#the way she clung to Nene was NOT good at all#her character development is probably gone I am in tears#what have they done to you mah girl?#why does she call Teru 'Teru-kun?' is Akane gone from her life too? ToT I have sm questions#I hope she still knows Akane#I am so afraid this asshle is not known from everybody he cares about in this reality#I want her to be important in this arc#and I hope others characters than Nene will have flash of the old present#I doubt it a lot but let me dream#toilet bound hanako kun fanart#tbhk fanart#posting this before the new chapter#jshk fanart#hanako kun#Aoi seems all alone and now Nene is running and screaming about someone she doesn't know
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“Can you listen?”
Raph’s world tilts, the same way it always does when he uses that tone of voice. “What?”
“Can you listen? Just, listen?”
He closes the comic immediately. “If I gotta.”
Mikey enters the room and sits. His head rests against the edge of the bed as Raph puts his feet on the floor. His brother stares at the roof, solemn.
“I think it’s my fault,” His voice doesn’t have the Mikey tint to it. It’s burdened and stiff. He hates it. “That no one likes me.”
Raph’s pinches his arm to stop the impulse to open his mouth.
Mikey’s eyes are distant. He’s faraway, stuck in thoughts that he hardly ever has, in a sluggish moment that makes his movements slow and each word pronounced. “I know I care be weird. And loud. And- and I see them. The looks. From.”
He stops, as if he can’t remember if there was more to that statement. Or maybe he doesn’t want there to be.
Mikey’s supposed to be an open book. And yet, sometimes even he can’t bear to flip his own pages.
“We’re different. I know that. Humans won’t like us. Because we’re... Monsters.” Mutants, he wants to correct, in the same way that he does when Donnie whispers the hateful freak to the mirror.
He digs his fingers into the sheets. Why does he have to watch, time and time again, as it spreads like a plague between them? “And- And not ‘cause we are. We just… It’s just that way for us.”
He looks up. Raph nods, a stiff motion. Not talking. Listening.
“And I can be different. ‘Cause of my head. And my- my-” He waves vaguely to explain what they both already know. “And it’s not bad. But it can be. Bad. Annoying. And it’s okay. Donnie’s-” Another wave. “It’s not bad. It’s just us. But it’s. For me, it’s like.”
He looks at the ground. “I think. I think if you weren’t my family, I’d be alone.”
Don’t say it- “There’s Leatherhead.” DARN IT-
“Yeah,” Mikey agrees, soft. Raph exhales, relieved. “Leatherhead’s my best friend.”
There’s so much defeat. Raph bites his tongue. Mikey mutters, “I don’t know.”
He waits. Mikey says, “Maybe he shouldn’t be.”
Raph scoots down to the floor. Mikey doesn’t react. “He’s great. I don’t know what I’d do if he wasn’t. I don’t like thinking about it.”
The lost gaze drifts across the roof. “Sometimes I think I’d be better if I wasn’t me. If I was different. And then I want to change, but then Leo gives me the perfect opportunity for a sneak attack, and then he’s glittery and embarrassed and it’s… Fun. I have fun. But it can also be mean. And make people mad. And I don’t want to change. I don’t want to. But maybe I should.”
He leans on Raph’s shoulder, weighed by defeat. “Raph?”
Raph’s awful at this. He knows that. But he has to say something.
“Don’t know anything about should or shouldn’t. I know you’re my little brother. Don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t. You are. That’s all that matters to me. Which means we’re stuck with each other. You don’t want to change? Don’t.”
He hesitates, scanning his face for any hint that his words are having the right impact on him. “Nobody’s the boss of you but you. World sucks. Humans suck. Some people’ll like you for stupid and some people won’t. Leatherhead’s been around this long. Don’t see him running off any time soon.”
Mikey smiles, briefly. It falls.
Raph follows his gaze to the poster.
He mutters, “Thank, Raphie.”
Raph swallows the bubbling worry and says, “Sure, Mike.”
They stay there until Mikey gains the strength to retreat to his room.
#Sometimes you want your mom to say “nah you’re perfect”#and then she goes “these could be flaws tho and you need to work on those- only if you think they’re ruining things for you”#It’s what you needed to hear but you didn’t want her to say it#But also if you didn’t want to hear it then you could have gone to literally anyone else and gotten sweet sugar instead of spice#This was a CHOICE but man does it suck#Not based off a true story but kinda pulled from reality?#ImagionationStation’s Ficlets#tmnt 2012 mikey#2012 mikey#tmnt raph 2012#raph 2012#tmnt 2012 raph#tmnt 2012 raphael#2012 raphael#2012 raph#raph tmnt 2012#mikey tmnt 2012#tmnt fic#tmnt fanfiction#tmnt fandom#raph and mikey#tmnt mikey 2012
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More Tomarry doodles 😌✨️💚❤️
Au where Harry is constantly struggling bc of Tom's good looks and gestures of affection. He totally has a crush but really REALLY doesn't know how to deal with it.
He's seen either frowning or looking constipated whenever he's by Tom's side and people naturally mistake it as distate/hatred (which technically wouldn't have been wrong back in his old timeline).
In reality, Harry is so down bad for his past nemesis that he's always close to hyperventilating at the proximity between them. With Tom manoeuvring situations behind the scenes so that they can constantly be near each other/are partners in every class they're in, Harry has no chance to relax his heart at all and thus, suffers. It just so happens that his face, misleadingly, reflects that pain. Lmao.
-end (tbc?)
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Probably my last doodle (of them?) for awhile bc I really need to finish my other wips and I have an upcoming bday project to work on hhhh. Like I'll still make time for them but right now? it's a challenge. /n
#doodles#fanart#tomarry#tomarry fanart#harry potter#harry james potter#tom riddle#harrypotterfanart#tom riddle fanart#hp fanart#peep abaraxas in the back looking shook af 😭#rbf Harry#he's just as gone for Tom okay#but the feeling is so intense that he ends up lashing out and becomes a brat insteadhfurkr#'throwing' away Tom's gifts and gestures of affection to his face#but secretly and gently hiding it away in his box of treasures when he's alone 🥺#no fr all those little trinkets from Tom? puts it all next to his invisibility cloak and photo album of his parents#yes the irony is hilarious i know. Harry knows but he dont care bc ITS A DIFFERENT REALITY LET HIM LIVE#tom buys all these gifts with abraxas' money btw
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Hardly any time had elapsed since Jack lost his soul, and it came crashing down so alarmingly quick. It was so unfair... Cas was on his way home to come clean about Jack. HE WAS ON HIS WAY HOME TO COME CLEAN ABOUT JACK. HE WAS ON HIS WAY HOME TO COME CLEAN ABOUT JACK. HE WAS ON HIS WAY HOME TO COME CLEAN ABOUT JACK. HE WAS ON HIS WAY HOME TO COME CLEAN ABOUT JACK. HE WAS ON HIS WAY HOME TO COME CLEAN ABOUT JACK.
I can't remember if it was you, Whiskey or you Cal, that said the timing of everything was so fucked up.
Cas went searching for a miracle, and he PRAYED TO GOD.
And then, ON CAS'S WAY HOME TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH, RIGHT AFTER PRAYING TO CHUCK ON JOSHUA'S BAT-PHONE, THINGS BLEW UP.
Jack's temper could have certainly flared all on its own. But it's so suss that Cas made his prayer, and then Mary almost-immediately died.
In 14x20, Chuck says he "heard him."
If Chuck heard him in 14x17, then ??????????????????
#i think about this all the time#that cas was on his way home#HE WAS ON HIS WAY HOME#Cas was not going to hide the snake from dean and sam forever#cas needed a MOMENT to deal with it too. cas was hit with the bleak reality that jack's soul was gone!#the fact that he didn't react PERFECTLY is also...#very human
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in the midst of all this terrible news ryan murphy saw fit to grace us with a tiny sliver of shimmering light
thank you ryan murphy for feeding us this week
#idk if i could have made it through this week without that bucktommy breakup#i would like to send my condolences to the tevan endgame crowd#i have been laughing at the distraught posts for hours#you had a whole season to listen to us and accept the reality that he was always going to be a plot device#people giving up the whole show over the boring white man breaking up a relationship that had almost no screen time? couldn’t be me#i’ve been gone for months but i had to come back for this#i have a had a truly terrible few months and this really helped tysm ryan murphy you saved me#911#buddie#911 on abc#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie endgame#y’all can never take it from me now#my younger sibling and i were literally screaming with joy while we were watching it#the scene was a bit of a roller coaster but we came out on top in the end#we’re so back
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It is the year of our lord 2024 and here I'm eating carrots and desperately digging in the infinity of the abyss that is this hellhole to find some crumbs pertaining a pink haired, three eyes, purple goober with anger issues and going absolutely FERAL about the fact that apparently Starco is canon.
#tomco#i just finished season 3#THE AMOUNT OF TOMCO THERE#y'all telling me that they creators though starco was the way to go when in reality they feeling realisation was wack#are you telling me they had the greatest chemistry as a romantic couple cos I THINK NOT#there was no buildup to a relationship since first it was star crushing on marco then marco on star when she was dating Tom#are you telling me marco would do that to tom?#the blood moon you say? you mean it wasnt all bullshit made by Tom when he was still obsessing over Star?#star can be romantically interested in people but hasn't she gone though ENOUGH ALREADY?#with eclipsa on the loose and her wand gone and family being frauds i think she has BIGGER problems that chosing a BF#she also has a great unconditional support from her FRIENDS that would do anything for her becaus they LOVER her#her famil sucks#ALSO TOM DESERVES SOOOO MUCH BETTER#ill never be over that#Mf had such a glow up though the series that wacky Azula rip off battle outfit really reminded me of Zukos redemption arc and it fits!#svtfoe#svtfoe tom#tom lucitor#svtfoe marco#marco diaz#star butterfly#svtfoe star
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Tbh I think the way I draw Sanji all lanky and down to the bone skinny would probably be how he sees himself, especially after the rock, and tbh I’m not okay with that
#in reality he’s very healthy weight very fit but not a lot of bulk#most likely from years of malnutrition#but when he looks in the mirror all he sees is a weak frail food deprived body#hips and ribs jutting out like they did at the rock#I am not okay sanji honey it’s okay :(#though like actually I wouldn’t be surprised if he DID have body dysmorphia what with the trauma he’d gone through#not art#one piece#one piece headcanons#black leg sanji#vinsmoke sanji
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I am so tired
Every part of my entire being feels so exhausted, explicitly tired...
I wanted to sleep but found myself unable to. I never knew why I couldn't. The only thing I know is that I'm tired but could not sleep.
That's it.
#I want to end my story#My journey#I would like to be ripped apart#Tear my pages away as you'd like#Burn (me) it if you will#weirdcore#backrooms#liminal reality#liminal#dereality#I no longer have the will to continue my journey my life I want to be gone from existence from reality#Rant#I am not certain if the odd one out Series will continue#I would like to be vanish from reality please#Eye#Don't#W#A#N#T#2#Live#Any#More
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